its harder than its look...
1st ---> I'm not ready....she's gone
2nd ---> Its soo confusing....she's gone
3rd ---> its so stubborn....she's gone
4th ---> its sooooo not meant to be...she's gone
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5th ---> ...... quitting is just so wrong, moving forward feels so lost.........
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and yet again, she's about to be gone as well....
Posted by
dekstro
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Posted by
dekstro
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its almost a year now from my last post here..before, this is kinda my diary where i want to say whatever i want to say and likely i dun have an ear to hear it..but than i feel like i can handle it where i can keep it to myself strongly..whatever happen or occur, i just keep it inside..no more writing on this cause it seems kinda sad kdg2..hahahaha..
but when i think back, the most reason why i cant wrote more here because is the free time that i have which nearly equally to none...being busy all the time, well that's the most people said right?...to forget something or not to be bother by other things, just keep yourself busy..u bare can diversion your attention from it..and in my case, its my 'PHOTOGRAPHY' keeps me busy...after arriving in fasting month, my photography take a sloooooowwwwww movement where i'm kinda dull, don't know what to shoot..since there's no job coming in, to shoot other thing makes me kinda blankkkk!
but suddenly, out of nowhere, its change...after i post my syawal diary album in my facebook, i got a massage from some people asking for my price..and to make it short, its turns out i got 1 customer out of it..wow! how could this happen...and than i realize, facebook is no longer a social network for social affair anymore, its getting to be a social business network..its like a free advertising..yeah, before i keep telling myself, how can i promote my work, how can i get a job and whatsoever, but now i finally realize, this is my medium..and yes, it didnt stop there..suddenly equation demand rising but only few a return back, and more few are agreeing with the package, but hey, im still new..this is a start...and so, i need to say a zillion thank to these people who willing take me as their wedding photographer...
~~..Lin & Zaki..~~
~~..Syarifah & Shafie..~~
~~..Solehah & Hashim..~~
~~..Syahirah & Faizal..~~
~~..Man & Sha..~~
~~..Ilmi Shukri & Fazli Shah..~~
~~..Bid & Meli..~~
~~..Watie & Sham..~~
~~..Alis & Indra..~~
~~..Syahirah & Faizal..~~
~~..Efa & Adi..~~
Posted by
dekstro
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sedar tak sedar dah masuk 2011 dah pun upanya n aku lupa when did i stop writing on this..i guess semua kerana aku terlalu banyak kejer n dah tak banyak nak luahkan kat dalam nie..biasalah, dah tak larat nak layan perasaan sakit ni lagi kowt..before im always try to looking for something to pull out inside this cause most of the time i cant keep it inside tho..but luckily i can now..is it a sign of a strong will i dont know..but what i do know is i can keep it now to myself..whatever i feel, i keep it inside..
what was happen in 2010 was realy frustrating n lots of heartbroken..satu demi satu benda dtg..tak tahan sungguh aku nak menanggungnyer..seriusly aku kalah dengan keadaan..kalah dengan teruk sangat2..aku ilang arah dan tujuan hidup..alhamdulillah aku tidak hilang nyawa..hehehe..SYUKUR sangat2..
semoga esok akan membawa kepada satu kebahgiaan yg baek utk aku, semoga aku aka lebeh bersedia untuk terus hidup dan semoga juga tiada lagi "kesakitan" yg melanda baek kepada aku, 'dia' dan semua mereka2 yg dekat dengan aku..aku hanya mahukan kebahagiaan untuk semua..YA ALLAH, permudahkanlah segala urusan kami, dan lindungilah kami dari semua kecelakaan, AMIN
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dekstro
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selesai sudah berpuasa bag sekian umat islam sedunia tempoh hari dan dengan ini maka bermulalah hari raya pula..huuuuu raya sudah weii..hahaha..pasni takyah nak bangun sahur lagi (macamlah aku bangun sahur)....namun dalam pada penyediaan menyambut raya ni, hati aku amat berlainan sekali..well ia bukanlah benda baru kerana aku penah alaminya 6 tahun lepas..the same feeling strike back at the a bigger pace but with a proper handling i guess dis time..pegi shopping punyalah byk kali but cuma windows sh0ping jelah, tgk kawan2 beli dan blah..hahaha..tapi seriusly aku mmg takder mood sampai malam raya, aku still not in the mood...maybelah, maybe its still cause by the same matter..
biler raya pun kejanggalan melanda diri aku kerana bangun pun aku rasa biasa jer..ibarat hari tue adalah hari jumaat yang biasa dan bukannya hari raya..dengan cuaca hujan lebat mencurah2, lagi liat aku nak bangun but i managelah bangun jgak..serius liat nak mandi, nak jer cari cerek masak air den mandi,sejukkkkk beb..giler menggigil aku pagi tue..den blah blah..smayang raya...takbir..blah blah..khutbah..baleeeekkkk..nak gerak awal dah sbnarnya, tapi kereta aku parking dekat ngan surau, kalu aku start enjin dan gerak, comfirm org kg leh dengar...so aku dengar lah khutbah tersenguk2 sbb tak cukup tido..sapa suh tgh malam raya baru nak balek kg..padan muka aku..
but after that as a traditional nyer, salam-salaman lah aktivitinyer..tangan disusun dan dihulur dan disambut utk menghapus dosa dan salah silam yg tidak tetambus lagi..sebenarnya sebelum in aku dapat rasakan kelainan untuk sesi ni..aku dapat rasa aku akan 'hujan' time nie dan akhirnya ia berlaku..5 minit aku numb and speechles, yg mampu aku cakap "tak tau nak start dari mana"...den diam menghujani keadaan...seriusnyer aku sungguh sayu, sebak dan syahduuuu sekali..undescribe..semuanya bagaikan terlepas di saat itu sekali lagi..ianya di pendam dan dilepaskan di tempat yg tak berapa best tapi good moment lah..bag org len mungkin pelik kenapa AHMAD FAUZI boleh begini..tapi bagy my own family, they know what happen so they just maybe be quite jer..
dan kadang2 aku tertanya..adakah aku menyayangi 'dia' lebeh dari segala-galanya?lebeh dari kawan2 aku, lebih dari keluarga aku dan yg paling sadis lagi adakah lebeh daripada diri sendiri?itu tidak termasuk lagi adakah lebeh lagi daripada ALLAH S.W.T?
but no matter what happen, Hari Raya adalah untuk di sambut bersama orang yang tersayang..as fo me, this is among the person that love me and i do love them..please YA ALLAH, dont take them from me..
biler raya pun kejanggalan melanda diri aku kerana bangun pun aku rasa biasa jer..ibarat hari tue adalah hari jumaat yang biasa dan bukannya hari raya..dengan cuaca hujan lebat mencurah2, lagi liat aku nak bangun but i managelah bangun jgak..serius liat nak mandi, nak jer cari cerek masak air den mandi,sejukkkkk beb..giler menggigil aku pagi tue..den blah blah..smayang raya...takbir..blah blah..khutbah..baleeeekkkk..nak gerak awal dah sbnarnya, tapi kereta aku parking dekat ngan surau, kalu aku start enjin dan gerak, comfirm org kg leh dengar...so aku dengar lah khutbah tersenguk2 sbb tak cukup tido..sapa suh tgh malam raya baru nak balek kg..padan muka aku..
but after that as a traditional nyer, salam-salaman lah aktivitinyer..tangan disusun dan dihulur dan disambut utk menghapus dosa dan salah silam yg tidak tetambus lagi..sebenarnya sebelum in aku dapat rasakan kelainan untuk sesi ni..aku dapat rasa aku akan 'hujan' time nie dan akhirnya ia berlaku..5 minit aku numb and speechles, yg mampu aku cakap "tak tau nak start dari mana"...den diam menghujani keadaan...seriusnyer aku sungguh sayu, sebak dan syahduuuu sekali..undescribe..semuanya bagaikan terlepas di saat itu sekali lagi..ianya di pendam dan dilepaskan di tempat yg tak berapa best tapi good moment lah..bag org len mungkin pelik kenapa AHMAD FAUZI boleh begini..tapi bagy my own family, they know what happen so they just maybe be quite jer..
dan kadang2 aku tertanya..adakah aku menyayangi 'dia' lebeh dari segala-galanya?lebeh dari kawan2 aku, lebih dari keluarga aku dan yg paling sadis lagi adakah lebeh daripada diri sendiri?itu tidak termasuk lagi adakah lebeh lagi daripada ALLAH S.W.T?
but no matter what happen, Hari Raya adalah untuk di sambut bersama orang yang tersayang..as fo me, this is among the person that love me and i do love them..please YA ALLAH, dont take them from me..
Posted by
dekstro
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..ahhh,poser dah nak abeh dahhh?! amalan yg aku buat tak banyak pun,cam sama jer..bajet nak tmbah amalan arr,last2 sket jer pun tambahan,semoga diterima segala amalan2 aku sepanjang ramadhan nie...
..sejak dua menjak nie, hati tetap rasa tak best lalu membunuh semangat raya aku hanya satu isu yang diungkit oleh member aku nie..kalau nak diikutkan kepada kepala aku yg tak berapa pandai dan cerdik nie, terasa aku dah cukup memahami tapi pada pandangan mata luar pula,aku cuma setakat bermain dengan diri sendiri jer, lebeh kurang syok sendirilah..kononnyer aku nak jadi yang terbaek sdgkan pada dasarnya, aku hanya biasa2 jer..pergh, looser jer bunyinyer..dush!tepat ko kener..hahaha
but i guess maybe its rightlah kot..well if i can feel there was nothing wrong with those feelings meaning everything was good for me and that mean those feelings was suit for me..but in other hand, the other dun feel the same way..so that must be something wronglah dari aku..im not delivered the same way as the other hand..sng citer to sum it all, mereka memahami aku tetapi aku tidak langsung memahami mereka..ahhh, kejam nyer fakta nie kalu betul..*sigh..well, to think again, thats life..life is not fair sumtimes...hehehe
Posted by
dekstro
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alhamdulillah syukur ke hadrat illahi kerana keizinanNya masih lagi bernafas ke hari ini..moga ia akan kekal untuk aku terus beribadat kepada-NYA..denan keizinan-NYA juga,aku harap dapat menjalani bulan Ramadhan ini dengan keberkatan dan keredhaan-NYA..sesungguhnya aku akan menjalani musim berpuasa ini dengan sepenuh keinsafan hendaknya..semoga aku dapat mengenali dengan lebeh mendalam erti kesabaran dan seterusnya mengakui betapa agungnya kekuasaan ALLAW S.W.T..insyaALLAH..aminnn..
Posted by
dekstro
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everything we do sumtimes must be executed according to plan...but what happen when the plan itself didnt work?frustrated isnt it..why is it happen is sumtime we always questioned about..but when come to fate, u can questioned it,its against the law..this past few weeks,its been a good weekend for me..3 season of weekend camping im going through..these camping for those 1st semester student actually and i was one of the comity member, in fact i was handling the ice breaking and the explorace slot..not to mention i was the head of camp site ajk also..so many things to be done and of coz i need to be top of my game..and as result, so many flaws i can see..high expectation but low performance i gave..what a shame i felt and what a disappointed i am now..but i just hope they atleast satisfy with my performance..that the least i can do at the moment..but what the head lights in this 3rd season was, the level itself..it was lower than the 1st season where its sumhow not so good compare to the 2nd season where it was a blast n almost perfect..thats the benchmarhe we have for now..
the other highlight is the heavy rain..the storm came at dawn and it was heavy..flooded come across us on the base camp, the electricity was cut off due to short circuit at the generator..lucky we have mr mamu to save the day..i was shocked and seriously frightened,almost numb but luckily im not..i keep going and try to do what i can do to save the day..when i look at the camp site, i was disappointed with myself..the student was messy and not lah so good condition as i thought it will be..poor the participatent, they have to clean up all the mess be4 they can go to sleep..
but that's life i guess..when things wont come in ur way, u need to clean up the mess or u'll be living in a messed up life..
the other highlight is the heavy rain..the storm came at dawn and it was heavy..flooded come across us on the base camp, the electricity was cut off due to short circuit at the generator..lucky we have mr mamu to save the day..i was shocked and seriously frightened,almost numb but luckily im not..i keep going and try to do what i can do to save the day..when i look at the camp site, i was disappointed with myself..the student was messy and not lah so good condition as i thought it will be..poor the participatent, they have to clean up all the mess be4 they can go to sleep..
but that's life i guess..when things wont come in ur way, u need to clean up the mess or u'll be living in a messed up life..
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