~~..SpiceUpYourLife..~~

mmg dah hari2 gamaknyer kot aku akan tulis kat sini sebagai diari walaupun tiada siapa yg membacanya...biarlah walaupun tiada siapa yg tahu apa yg terbuku di hati nie..mungkin sukar untuk aku paparkan kepada bagaimana or apakah yg aku rasa sekarang nie kepada org len kerana apa yg mereka katakan,"dahlah,jangan difikirkan lagi..dah abeh2 tu abehlah..duk sini jer apa pun tak jalan"..aku ker yg takmau bergerak or ada sumthing yg hold me back,ada benda yg tak setel lagi..still cant be so sure..

namun apa yg aku dapat fikirkan adalah,pelbagai cara dan action aku dah buat utk go on with my life,but its somhow is not working..deng! yg paling ketara sekali adalah aku masih belom dapat memaafkan diri aku sendiri lagi ke atas apa yg berlaku..

aku nak cuba sekarang,aku nak cuba tanggung benda ni sorang2..aku letih, aku ibarat menjadi seorang penagih simpati dan aku rasa telah pun menjatuhkan air muka dan martabat aku sebagai seorang lelaki yg sepatutnya menjadi KHALIFAH di muka bumi ALLAH S.W.T ini..

DIAMANA KAH KAU 'APAU CRAZY'?

DIAMANA KAH KAU 'ENCIK FAUZI'?

when i blogwalking just now,i've spent almost 15 minute on this one page coz what stated there was so touch...for the 1st time,im mising my time back in Tasik Utama, Bukit Beruang, Bachang, Durian Tunggal n for most, Muzaffar Shah...

wow, dah 3 tahun beb, 3 tahun aku tinggalkan tempat2 tue dan tak pernah sekali pun aku nak kembali..but today on this moment, 4 the 1st time in 6 years,i feel i want to turn the clock back when we are there..i want to change everything..i want to do once more..n i want to do it right this time..

but then i realize,its just a fake dream can only been true when u are on drugs or sleep..this is wat REAL LIFE is..a facr that the time that has passed us by wont be any meaning anymore..just keep looking forward and march on...

To'peng, Lampek, Jai, Khai, Apan and Yeop,

how can i thankfull u guys for helping me so much during our time there..u guys was the best housmate i ever have..u guys were the best fren i ever have over there..i wish i can do something for u guys..but even yeop n jai wed im not attend..im so sad now to realize how change we are now..but no matter wat, i will always miss u guys n the rest of 1st batch of BMFA...BMFA rocks!

YA ALLAH, can i have the spirit, motivation, inspiration and strenght back now?i realise i cant do much as im no longger in my best state of my life..but can YOU help me, and raise me up again..AMINN..

~~..GOOD LUCK ON UR 1st DAY MISS...I KNOW U CAN BE A GOOD ^!@#*(%..I HAVE FAITH AND BELIEVE IN U,AS ALWAYS I DO...~~

hmmm..its 4th and its 6th...

not to remember but it came by the way..so i play along and all the memories that we have come in the picture..so suddenly i thought, how long this will last?2 more month?2 more years?or after i meet sumone new..deng!

"carilah yang baru jer pau, it will cure everything....."

mungkin ada betulnyer kata2 kawan aku nie...love sickness must be cure with love too..cuma aku tidak berani untuk kedepan lagi kerana khuatir dan takut benda yang sama berulang..tambahan lagi,aku juga takut i will make a comparison bettween the new one with Miss S..its look like she will be like the benchmark for the rest probably..

and more thing that interesting is i dont know who i am anymore and feels like i cant make any contact with other girls..im afraid i cant show the true me as im in the low state of my life..

so the question remain, bukalah pintu atau tutuplah dahulu?...................wallahualam..

Aku masih sakit lagi rupanya....


dan ia masih.......


dan tidak tahu sampai bila.......

now most people will think and say "mana nak sama setiap benda tue..." and its true for most of the things..u see when we talk about people,we might have to take those word and belive it coz,mana sama setiap manusia tue kan..so of course lah when u lost someone its hard to find someone just like the previous person or look alike also is hard to find..we talk about how its look, charisma, attitude, personality etc and it will bring to a thousand comparison the next thing..ok u guys no what happen so u know what this all about..

now,i lost 3 things in the process and i try to find the replacement but its hardly to get the same quality or even better and to make it worse,it just not meant to be.....


1) my sunglasses ~ ok this sunglasses i bought at uptown shah alam on 16 oktober 2009 while attending maklang open house..beli pun sebab yg lama tertinggal dalam bas waktu balek dari arau..apa yg best ttg sunglases ni sbb cerminnya kaca..yah, its feel different when i first try it on..its square and small so rasa nak cuba yg len plak lah asyik beli yg besau2 je ann...yah,its so nice to have it n i love it so much..jaga betul2 supaya tak ilang lagi mcm yg len2 tue..but,its finally broken on 23rd january 2010 time sronok2 amek gambor (its kinda sign huh,hehehe)..bingkainyer tercabut so i just let it there jer..untill then its been 5 replacement i try and 3 already gone and none of it i like it as much i like the previous one..i try to buy the new one at uptown tho but none have the same size..



2) my cheap swatch ~ bought at downtown cheras on 13 november 2009..1st time nak try pakai steel watch sbb rasa macam nak jadi matanglah kononnya..well,sudah 'berpunya' waktu tue...so nak jadi segaklah jugak kononnya..previous pakai yg getah2 jer sbb nampak funky..but lama2 ia nampak buruk sbb barang 'cheap' kan...so den i try bought adidas watch on feb to replace the old one,but hanya tahan 2 hari sbb lepas beli jarumn jam tu jadi bengong n rotation utk adjustment pun hanya boleh ke arah counterclockwise...den beli lagi cheap swatch,pakai seminggu tali plak tercabut..during dat time i realize susah sgt ker nak ada yg elok time2 tak 'elok' nie..knapa semuanya nak kener 'rosak'....?!


3) adidas blue sweater ~ yg ni beli kat downtown cheras on may 2009..sbb beli coz tertarik ngan farid kamilnyer sweater kat dalam filem adamaya,eh silap itu drama,im not single ..lagipun dah lama teringin nak pakai sweater nie..jenuh lah pusing satu downtown tu carik size sbb time tu aku masih dikatakan sedikit boroi..akhirnya aku jumpa warna yg aku nak with the size..wahhhh bleh gaya ngan little elis aku..but,last month dah takleh nak zip sbb dah loose mak aku kata..dang,sedih giler aku rasa..n than replacement hunt pun bermula n still,no color like this yet being found!!im totally down..


so u see when u have n found something that u like the most, treasure it and take care of it even with ur live i might say..because once u lose it, u cant find even the 'almost' the same as replacement..mmglah susah kan nak terima yg benda lama tu dah 'gone' tapi no matter wat kener terima jelah n cuba tidak mempersoalkan apa yg berlaku..

walaubagaimanapun,we will may find it actually (the good replacment), as long u are not comparing both the previous n the replacement and terima seadanya sipendatang baru itu..it may hard to do it, but sometimes if we fail to do it, we will may regret one day if the replacement actually be the perfect one for u..so,think hard and do smart

p/s: perenggan terakhir adalah untuk nasihat kepada diri sendiri..ngee~~

aku sering bertanya kepada diri aku sendiri, adakah aku telah benar2 sembuh dari kesakitan itu...kerana aku seperti tiada improvement pun walaupun telah banyak yg telah ku lakukan..seriusly dah banyak sgt aku buat utk diri aku nie sepanjang 'rehabilation' aku nie..aku sibukkan diri,banyakkan men sport,banyakkan amek gambor, shopping sakan..sumtime i jeopradise my body pun ada..kesian kan anatomy aku nie,adey..i know im gonna feel sick one day from wat im doing right now..but the point is sumhow sumwhat i see,aku still cant be free..im still scared im gonna crash again if i ever see it again..nowdays mmglah ok jer but thats with the help of the disappearance of it..dats help,but what happen if that change..am i ready for that?am i strong to face it later on?berapa lama aku harus berusaha untuk mencarik jalan or tujuan baru nie..semuanya masih samar dah kabur,semangat pula masih luntur dan ampuh,kekuatan pula masih lemah dan longlai..tiada satu pun kepastian yg jitu dan tepat..yang ada adalah nafas dan kudrat untuk terus berjalan..WALLAUHUALAM..ALLAHUAKBAR

p/s: jauh giler berseri dari kajang upanya..now i know awk mmg sengsara kat sana,i can feel it more now..